Ghosting - When he suddenly stops contacting you

Ghosting is a relatively new term from the English language. It describes an unforeseen separation for one party, which is forced by the other person through a sudden disappearance. You were sure that you had finally found the right person. You hadn't expected this in your life. But it is a reality, as your emotional chaos impressively confirms. How could he do this? You had arranged to meet next Saturday, full of anticipation. If you can rule out serious reasons such as an accident, you will never see him again. Spare yourself the humiliation, don't write to him and don't chase after him.

Why is the pain so great?

Ghosting is so painful because it usually happens during the first phase of falling in love. You've finally found a man who makes you feel accepted. From one day to the next, he doesn't get in touch. At first you worry that something might have happened.
When will you know for sure? If he doesn't keep agreements and appointments we've made together, that's a sure sign. If he doesn't respond to your attempts at communication, that's no reason to panic. His smartphone may have disappeared, or he may have left it with his parents who live 400 km away. You'll only know if he doesn't respond to several media (Facebook, email, landline etc.) for a long time.
The moment you realize what he's doing makes you feel angry at him and your initial worry. All of this makes the break-up even more unpleasant. Your dream castle is destroyed in one fell swoop. Without any warning, your trust and the closeness you felt are massively betrayed. Much worse than the disappearance itself is the feeling of insult caused by such behavior without any sympathy and without a single word of explanation. Any reasonably empathetic person in this situation would ask themselves what they had done wrong. He is guaranteed to have his reasons. Since he didn't tell you and dumped you without comment, the whole action was simply disrespectful of him. He is the one to blame, not you.

Why did he do that?

Are you looking for an explanation for his behavior? That's human. Don't dwell on it for too long. It's highly likely that he was simply too cowardly to tell you his motives to your face. Most likely, he also didn't feel like the "drama" that he thought would have ensued. In rare cases, it can happen that someone has misinterpreted the signals and read too much into the relationship. If that were the case, you would already know. There's one thing you need to be aware of, and it's particularly common when it comes to contact via internet portals. People have different ideas about when a relationship is formed. Men are usually more relaxed about this. There are several reasons for this, which don't necessarily have anything to do with you. For example, there is a prejudice in the male world that women with an average appearance and above will take a multi-track approach in the first phase of getting to know each other and not just meet one guy.

What can you do to make sure this never happens to you again?

You can confidently do without another experience of this kind. How can you prevent this in the future? You can't and shouldn't do anything about another person's cowardice. Look at yourself and listen to your intuition. In the beginning, men's emotions are usually fragile. His affection can only increase if you never stop asking yourself the following questions:

• Does it feel binding and serious at the moment, what comes from him?
• Do you have the feeling that he is already ready for the next step you want him to take?

Base your actions towards him on this. Don't ask him directly. Feel his level of seriousness for what it actually is. Don't make the mistake of trying to build him into your relationship dreams too early.
If you get the feeling that something is no longer right with him, withdraw at that exact moment. It's very important to do this consistently.

There are two steps you can take if he doesn't get in touch:

1 -Give him a faint hint that everything is different than he assumes.
After at least one to two weeks - preferably longer - write him a message in which you greet him cheerfully and warmly. Apologize for having had so little time in the last few weeks. Finally, give him one or two friendly tips.
He should know how relaxed you are about his action and how little it affects you. That's the point of this email. You've distanced yourself from him emotionally and only see him as a good friend. You don't mention his sudden disappearance at all.
This gives the impression that you are no longer desperate for a committed relationship. You also subtly convey that you still consider him to be a loving contact who you can spontaneously get in touch with. This is just the first step, which needs to take full effect. He is probably still cautious. A simple text message won't dissuade him any time soon. Let time work for you.

2 - Confirm your first message.
It doesn't matter whether he has replied. The only thing that matters is your long-term behavior towards him. Realize how much he might still be holding on to his protective attitude. This impulse can mask the desire to see him again. It doesn't matter if and how he reacts. In any case, stick to your relaxed approach and pay attention to your intuition if he responds to you and it comes to a meeting.

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